Out here most of what you see are the greens and browns of the nature, the long fields of grass and the nearby forests. Today I took the dog with me and we went walking to a nearby village. Two reasons for this impromptu walk: I needed to get out and get fresh air on this sunny but cold day and drop some important papers to a friend nearby.
From my sister's house you can see the village and the actual house, but on foot it was actually farther than it actually seemed. Going there was tough. I was holding tight to the dog and I wondered if I ever would make it to my destination. I did argue with my inner self if I should just go back home and give up, but I decided to just go for it. I have to say this was a long 45 minutes walk for somebody who doesn't particularly enjoy long walks. But I did make it there. And back.
After a quick hello and dropping the papers, Ms. Doggy and I were on our way back. This time the sun was facing right at me. And then something weird happened. I took deep breaths for a minute and I felt tears fall down my face. I never thought of myself as a strong person. I was tired, but I kept walking. The only time I surprised myself and saw this strength was when I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and the second time was when I took my long and lonely voyage here. This was going to be another one of those times. I wiped away the tears from my face and I repeatedly said to myself, I can do this. I can do this. I remembered what my friend said when she saw me at her door as I dropped my papers, tu es courageuse (you are courageous). I guess I really am then. And then step by step, the walk seemed faster and easier to deal with. I took it to an even deeper meaning and as I looked at the bright sun, I finally said those words I needed to hear. You can do this, and not just this walk. I will find a good job. I will find a place of my own. My loved ones will soon join me. We will have a good life. I told myself over and over again. I swear the sun shone even brighter and before I knew it, we were just a few steps from home.
The walk did me good. I see things more clearly now. I can do this. I can. This walk will mark me for a while. In the meantime, I have the bleeding ankle and slight flu to remind me of it.